You're about to re-enter a world that should be familiar, but now just seems strange, perhaps even menacing: Single life. And whether this is a path you chose or one you were thrust down unwillingly, you're no doubt dealing with a swirl of emotions that on some days threatens to overwhelm you.
The good news is you can survive this and come out on the other end healthy, happy, and – paradoxically – learning how to build and maintain satisfying relationships, even as you sever the one you've most closely identified with. But you need a plan.
A critical component of that plan is emotional, and it's important that you come to grips with "you," and all the circumstances in life that brought you here. Therapy is the most obvious place for this.
Financial health a key to long-term happiness
The other part of your strategy should be financial. If not as important as the emotional, it certainly complements it. Nothing sabotages self-worth and recovery more than money problems, and divorce proceedings is a minefield of financial difficulties waiting to happen.
The key is to survive the short-term onslaught of financial considerations, while looking toward and planning long-term for your life after the divorce is finalized. In practical terms, that means:
- Avoiding incurring debt during the divorce
- Maintaining a good credit score by paying bills on time
- Eliminating expenses, and even finding supplemental sources of income in the interim.
To achieve all three, here's a checklist of items to consider early on, and some strategies for handling them as economically as possible, so that you reach the finalization of your divorce as whole financially, as possible:
A place to live after divorce
Chances are, it'll be you who is leaving the primary residence. That means now there's a mortgage and rent to pay, or rent on two locations. Remember, this is an interim step, meant just to get you away from the home and your estranged wife – think cheap! If you're in a college town, there should be any number of small studio apartments, available on short-term leases and at a good price. You might want to invest in noise-canceling headphones, however – college students can be noisy at night, and especially on the weekend.
Cut back on optional expenses
Part of successfully navigating divorce's financial minefield is challenging yourself to see just how little you can live on … how much you can do without. Now, this austerity plan should NOT extend to your kids, if you have them. Make sure to the extent that it's possible that they are not suffering because of the decisions of you and your spouse.
But beyond that, anything goes! Ask yourself, "What do I really need? A roof over my head … a bed … food … a reliable way to get to work." Beyond that, you should consider everything else – at least in the short term – a luxury. That doesn't necessarily mean you should do without any or all of them, but when you're looking for ways to control expenses in the short term, it's worth asking, "Do I really need a TV and cable service at this moment?" Is this a fun process? Nope! But keep reminding yourself that short-term pain will yield long-term gain.
Get as cash liquid as possible
At the time of my separation, I took great pride in the size of my monthly contributions to 401 K and Roth IRA. But legal demands and new living expenses necessitated a short-term change in strategy, and I cut back significantly on my monthly retirement savings in order to be more cash ready. Remember, this is a short-term strategy in order to survive; and you should maintain some level of contributions to retirement accounts, throughout. But you'll need and appreciate the extra cash on hand, for now.
Another strategy is to re-finance your the home you share with your estranged spouse, if you own. Interest rates continue to be low, so now's the time. Potentially a savings of hundreds of dollars per month are available to you if your current interest rate is higher than those available now. Closing costs will hurt a little bit, but the short-term pain is probably worth it.
The same strategy applies to credit cards. Carefully review your interest rates, and cancel those with anything about 12 percent APR. If you're carrying a balance, see about transferring to a new card with an introductory O percent APR for the first year. That short-term reprieve will at the least prevent punitive and costly monthly penalties, and may even allow you to pay off your balance. Remember the goal is not to incur new debt; if you can eliminate debt, all the better!
Develop new income streams
You may need a part-time job for a while. It's exhausting finding one, and even more so having a night job on top of your day job. But the added revenue will be very helpful, and it may have the side benefit of keeping your mind off the emotional stress of the divorce.
If a side job isn't practical or available, get creative. Blood banks still pay for plasma donations, sometimes as much as $30 a trip. And if you're healthy, you can donate up to twice per week. Maybe it's time for a garage sale, a purging of the remnants of your past. Is this humbling? You bet! But no more so than overdue draft notices or harassing phone calls from bill collectors.
Remember, these are short-term solutions to keep your head above water financially until you're on the other side of the divorce. And it's a two-part equation: By surviving – completing the divorce process without serious financial consequence – you're positioning yourself to have multiple options moving forward.
With good credit, no serious debt, the learned ability to be austere as required. you'll be ready to start the next chapter of your life with a clean slate, and the kind of unbounded enthusiasm that comes from knowing you weathered a storm, and are now strong enough to re-build and thrive.
www.suite101.com/content/divorce-and-teens-a-fathers-thoughts-a354935
David Burke - David Burke is a Senior Media Producer with State Farm Insurance. In 2001, David won an Emmy Award (National Academy of Television Arts & ...
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